I think a year from now we'll look back on this season with mixed feelings. Wishing we had never experienced such a time as this, but also being deeply blessed by the growth, the stillness, the togetherness.
We have two children with congenital heart disease and one with a blood disorder. As the situation with COVID-19 progressed, we were told by physicians that at least one of our children was in the “greatest risk” category for complications related to the virus. James continues to work on the front lines with the fire department, while I am still seeing patients in the office and the hospital, so this has been a challenging time of balance for both of us.
Last week our daughter Jade underwent a necessary surgery to treat infection and repair a part of her inner ear that had already been damaged by infection. According to Jade’s surgeon, everything went extremely well, and we were discharged to recover safely at home. Having undergone over a dozen surgeries together, we have a routine set up for lots of cuddles in Mom’s bed, treats, movies and medicine.
This time coming home just didn’t feel quite like the same. I had a God and gut instinct that I needed to stay near her and not let her rest alone.
Just a few minutes after leaving the room to get her medication, I returned to find Jade in respiratory arrest, not breathing and blue. It was one of the most terrifying moments of our entire lives. James battled between his Firefighter/EMT mode and terrified father pleading with his baby girl to breathe. For five of the longest minutes of our lives, we were completely helpless. We had little to nothing to offer Jade except our pleadings for her to wake up and breathe. To be honest, between talking to the 911 operator and directing the paramedics, I had little to offer God in prayer but those same pleadings for him to breathe breath back into our Jade.
During these moments I was receiving messages from family and friends asking how Jade’s surgery went. I could only muster the same text: “Not good, not breathing, please pray.” Prayer chains were initiated far beyond our little circle. Our friends, our family, strangers - they prayed for us what I could not pray for myself. It was a community that surrounded us, even in quarantine, that felt so near. We had dinner delivered to our doorstep. We’ve had calls and texts checking in. We’ve felt very close during a time of social distancing.
God’s overwhelming grace in this situation is that Jade is ok. We are still waiting on certain details to figure out what happened in regard to the anesthesia, but she is healing well. If you know the rest of her story, this is just another miracle in this precious child’s life.
If I’m being honest I will tell you that Jade is ok, but I am not. I am still struggling with so many of the “what ifs” in this situation. What if I had not gone back into the room? What if we lost her? Maybe many of you are feeling the same right now. The COVID-19 situation is so fluid and it changes almost hourly.
These burdens and anxieties are meant to be shared. We first cast our cares on Him because he cares for us, but I believe too that God gave us a community to share these fears when we are struggling to express them.
I believe we have been given a unique time as Christians to show the love of our Savior. Churches across the nation typically have well-prepared grand services celebrating Holy Week and Easter. While we can still have virtual services and powerful sermons, we must remember that without love during this season it is nothing more than adding to the “noise” of this world. I was so blessed by Joe White’s Palm Sunday sermon on love, and it has challenged me to share the love of Christ that is for me, and the love we have been shown this past week by our community. I hope we all will seek out tangible ways to show love this Easter to those that are anxious and burdened by COVID-19.
Tara Fussell is a podiatrist here in Orlando, conducting podiatric surgery and wound care through Advent Health. Her husband James is a firefighter with the city of Orlando, and they have four children — Jackson, Juliet, Jade and Jett.
Our own stories are powerful, and even more so once shared. As Fred Rogers put it, "never underestimate the impact that your mere existence can have on another human being."
Here with Voices, you'll have the chance to read stories from various members of our church family, each chronicling what it feels and looks like now that so many things have changed. If you’d like to comment or learn more about this series, you can reach out to us at hello@lakebaldwinchurch.com.