Navigating the Covid-19 crisis has been an emotional rollercoaster. So the first thing I want you to know is this: you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone! It is absolutely normal to have emotions gone haywire, strained relationships or even to feel like you are barely hanging by a thread. I only have to reflect on the last twenty-four hours to recognize that my anger burns quicker, my patience wears thinner and my tears well up more unexpectedly than ever before. I feel anxious and jittery and the temptation to mindlessly numb-out in front of Netflix or another distraction is strong. This is a time of BIG feelings. And no wonder: society has experienced a complete upheaval. We face uncertainty and loss, we are uncomfortable, disrupted, confused, lonely and isolated. Many of us have developed symptoms of anxiety and depression which can be unsettling and scary, especially if we have never struggled in this way before.
Your feelings are valid. Pay attention to them. Try not to judge, minimize or compare them by thinking “I shouldn’t feel this way”, “I’m just weak” or “others have it worse”. We often try to repress or numb our feelings. Sometimes, we are so good at avoiding them that we can’t even name them. You could print out a feeling wheel or this soul words list and stick it to your fridge. Use it to increase you emotional awareness – turning towards your feelings with curiosity and acceptance. The Gottman Institute has a helpful 6-step process for this (see below).
One of the big emotions that we are all experiencing is grief, and to grieve well is to name our losses, and allow ourselves to feel the associated anger, sadness or fear. Some losses are more tangible and painful such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or financial security, the loss of community (at church, school, work…) or of celebration (weddings, birthdays, graduations and other significant life events). These might lead to less tangible losses of self-worth, happiness, or purpose. Other losses may seem less significant, but are nonetheless important to process: the loss of routine, of face-to-face connection, of time to yourself or stress-free shopping.
Our upturned circumstances also have us facing future-losses. We might call this anticipatory grief, which is more like anxiety. This goes beyond cancelled vacation plans to the loss of safety or of the future that we had mapped out for ourselves. We might also experience anxiety associated with the pressures of working from home, being a key worker on the frontlines or with job or financial uncertainty. We might be struggling with our faith and finding it hard to connect with the Lord in the midst of the messiness. On top of this, we might be managing our own (or others’) expectations of how we should be navigating this season, or measuring ourselves against others on social media who seem to be achieving more, functioning better and downright thriving while we feel like we are barely surviving.
If you like to journal (and even if you don’t!), it can be helpful to list these losses: you might identify with some of the ones I named, and be able to add your own.
This allows us to move towards accepting and then adapting to our new normal. Then, list your strengths, coping skills and sources of support. Think about times in the past when you navigated a challenging transition or painful experience. What helped you make it through?
Some other suggestions:
Breathe. When we are anxious or angry, we often take short shallow breaths. Practicing deep breathing instead increases the oxygen to our brains, slows our heartbeat and lowers our blood pressure and stress. To do this, sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor (or lie on your back), closing your eyes if you want to. Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 4, then exhale for 4 through your mouth. Keep going until you feel calmer.
Ground yourself. If you are feeling numb or agitated bring your awareness to your surroundings by naming things you can see, hear, feel, smell and taste. This provides an anchor to your body and the present moment.
Keep a gratitude journal. Start by listing 3 things you are grateful for each day. This shifts our thoughts and feelings towards things that are positive and valuable and can help us gain perspective on our stress and worries.
Stay connected. It can be easy to retreat and disconnect from others because our usual ways of connecting are not possible, so be creative: make a phone call, text, video chat, use social media or pick up a pen and write a card. Check in on those you love and ask others to do the same for you.
Pray. Tell the Lord how you are feeling. 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.” If you can’t find the words to say, pray the Psalms. If you’re feeling creative you might even want to write your own! Adam Young has some great podcasts and resources to help with this.
Finally, your current feelings and worries might trigger past traumas. It might be harder to navigate this season because of the echoes of hurts or abuses in your past. If this is true for you, please do not walk through this alone. There is no shame in reaching out for help. You can talk to a friend, community group leader, elder or staff member and Orlando is blessed with a fantastic community of good counselors. You are also welcome to reach out to me at aimee.mckinney@lakebaldwinchurch.com. I would be happy to meet with you or provide you with a referral.
Hang in there, be gentle with yourselves and may you know the Lord’s kindness and peace at this time.
Aimée is married to Mark (LBC Director of Youth Ministries) and together they have a daughter, Anna, who is 17 months old and keeps them on their toes! Aimée is a registered mental health counseling intern, having graduated from RTS with an MA in Counseling last May. She juggles her time between being a stay-at-home mum and meeting with clients on a voluntary basis at the church. She loves to bake, craft and spend time outside and is passionate about connecting with people and hearing their stories.
Our own stories are powerful, and even more so once shared. As Fred Rogers put it, "never underestimate the impact that your mere existence can have on another human being."
Here with Voices, you'll have the chance to read stories from various members of our church family, each chronicling what it feels and looks like now that so many things have changed. If you’d like to comment or learn more about this series, you can reach out to us at hello@lakebaldwinchurch.com.